Hi friends- please meet my guest blogger and my new friend, Holli Clausen Zehring... I think you'll love her as much as I already do!

I want to offer our community an invitation...

An invitation to not only find peace with your own body and self, but to find a way of living that provides a good model for our children, especially our young girls.

The path to this moment, to this opportunity to come together and engage in new conversations about health, beauty, and body image has been a long one, rooted in my own experiences and the organizations that have grown from them.

My mom will tell you that my own story is what planted the seed for Ophelia’s Place. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was 17.  The eating disorder had taken over my life and left me zero understanding of who I was. My parents found an intensive program here in Arizona, and where I spent 4 1/2 months working on my nutrition, my view of who I am, my identity, and my family dynamics.

It was an incredible time of healing and it radically changed not only me, but my relationship with my mom. As we worked on the environment I was raised in, I talked about my mom and the relationship she had with her body and with food. I talked about all her food rules, like “If you eat standing up you lose weight,” or “Girl Scout cookies don’t count because it’s for a charity.”  I thought it was funny and completely normal. Turns out it may be normal, but it wasn’t funny.

When I told my mom, she was the topic of my therapy that day she was completely blown away and realized that maybe she also needed to look at how she talked about herself and her diet, and what she modeled for me. It was her “aha” moment. I don’t say any of this to place blame or to shame. It was considered “normal” in my family, like it is for so many other families today.

My mom was my biggest role model. As a child, I loved watching her get ready for work. I was in awe of her. I looked at her and saw strength, intelligence, and beauty. She saw cellulite, extra pounds, and wrinkles. None of those things real or imagined made any difference to me, it didn’t take away from who she was, but maybe obsessing about it did.

When I got home from treatment, my eating disorder got bad again. My behaviors came back quickly and my mom, concerned, asked me what was going on. I told her I need a place to be safe, to be heard, and to practice recovery in a inspiring and encouraging space. From that conversation, my mom, MaryEllen, founded Ophelia’s Place. For the last 15 years, they have been working tirelessly to redefine beauty in individuals, families, and communities impacted by eating disorders, disordered eating and body dissatisfaction.

When I was 19 I moved to Arizona and admired the work of Ophelia’s Place from afar. It was my dream to recreate it here. I got married, had 2 children, and saw my husband through medical school, while battling significant depression. As time passed my dream felt further and further away.

Yet, all those pieces actually brought me closer to it. Through these hardships, I continued to see the need. Women frantically working to change their bodies as if they were broken, so much talk about food and weight loss, and diets, and trendy workouts, all the while they were seeking something deeper. I started working on this about 2 years ago. We gathered women around a table, shared a delicious meal and asked “Do you see a need here for a new conversation about health, beauty, and body image?” There was a resounding YES! Every event since then has been filled with tears and pain, but also hope, choices, and transformations.

Hopefully, my daughter, Anna, won’t walk the same path that I did.

Already she demonstrates a great understanding of her body and ownership of the amazing things it can do. When she hears the kind of negative conversations about weight and body image, she finds them unusual enough to check in with me to explore their validity. She’s living what she learns at home.

Join us. Join us in a new conversation. Join us to define beauty on your terms. Join us to better understand what health means, based on your own body's needs. Join us to come back to who you are, instead of fighting for who you are told to be. Discover your gifts, discover your passions, your purpose. Because the world needs you, in your whole beautiful self.

Holli Clausen Zehring

You can find out more about the Circles of Change Conference in Phoenix March 17-18th, 2017 and get registered here!  I hope to see you there!

Dreaming a little dream

Meme credit- the interwebs

Hmm.  Yes, so I 've been dreaming a little dream for a while now and it's it's finally time for it not to be a dream any longer.  It seems like there should be a word for the birth of a dream into reality.  I don't think there is one, but attraversiamo fits pretty well for me.  Let's cross over.

With the help of numerous amazing women, Beautiful You- a place to be, become, belong is ready to launch its first retreat.  There will be many wonderful retreats in the coming years to support and lift up women with wide range of themes.  We have plans for retreats for women in transition, women fighting cancer, sexual abuse survivors... but the first retreat is May 14-16th and it's a Body Love retreat.

All of these Beautiful You retreats will be empowering, inspirational, immersion experiences where women will slow down and discover the power of hearing and witnessing the stories of other women.

The Body Love retreat is being held at beautiful Kenyon Ranch in Tumacocori, Arizona.  It's about an hour south of Tucson.  Participants from around the country will settle into their casita's and be welcomed at a happy hour by the pool on Thursday afternoon.  We'll experience the magic of sitting in circle and sharing our stories and cap the evening off with a candle light labyrinth walk.  On Friday skilled facilitators will lead participants through a series of activities designed to support and help develop some beginning body love tools.  We'll also be joined on Friday by the amazing Jes Baker who will spend the day inspiring and sharing in our activities.   Throughout the retreat participants will have the opportunity to create a one of a kind, body love art project to take home.  No artistic experience or skills are necessary.  We will also have the opportunity to participate in several physical activities (yoga, drumming and dancing) that will help us ground ourselves in our bodies and practice being fully present in ways we might not have before.  All of our food will be lovingly prepared onsite by the chef at Kenyon Ranch.  Yummy snacks and beverages will be plentiful.   All your art supplies will be onsite.  We'll even send you home with a few surprises to pack in your suitcase.

This retreat is a small, intimate experience- 20 participants in total.  If you're interested, registration is open now so please reserve your spot.  Registrations paid in full when registering receive a $50 voucher/rebate for the 2015 Body Love Conference in June in Tucson, AZ.  Installment payments available.

Attraversiamo friends... hope to see you in Tumacocori!

I was a Weight Watchers leader... and I'm sorry.

A couple of things happened this week that were interesting for me to look at.  I ran into an old acquaintance who got me thinking about my past role in the machine that is the weight loss industry.  And a medical professional demonstrated some weight bias just when I thought I was going to make  it out of my appointment with out it.

Some years ago I was asked to become a Weight Watchers Leader after having lost 113 pounds on the program.  In truth, I lost 113 by learning to love myself and to act like I loved myself by taking care of my body well.  I also happened to learn how to eat pretty healthily and enjoyed the company of others who were more than 50 pounds 'over' weight in my special group meeting.  It was a place where we could all talk about weight  and the challenges of moving through life while fat.

I think I was a great leader at Weight Watchers.  I had members who followed me from meeting to meeting when I occasionally changed locations or times.  I prepared meetings on the prescribed topics, I knew my content... but I think the reason I was a great group leader is that I was 1-real (authentic/genuine)  and 2- I was really preaching the gospel of body love.  My members would beat themselves up at the scale and I cautioned that it's just a number, it's what we tell ourselves about it that is so damaging.  I ran into a former member in one of my groups this week...Jenny.  I was reminded that she and her husband- both members, were THIS close away from their goal weights on the same week.  They were completely bummed. that the scale just wasn't reflecting their efforts.  I said 'What can you take off?'  We moved the scale to a more private area, and they both dropped their pants and weighed again and they 'achieved' the number they were looking for.  The only thing that was different between totally bummed and elation was taking their pants off. 

In hindsight, I'm glad that I was able to be there in a genuine and caring way for so many people trying to navigate and re-navigate what is for the vast majority of people a lose-lose prospect.  And at the same time, I'm sorry to have been a part of what is a wild goose chase for most.

The other thing that happened this week was a visit to a Nurse Practitioner for my annual well woman check.  It was an uneventful visit.  We didn't talk about my weight at all (I've re- gained all I lost and a bit more).  She left the room and I got dressed, thinking to myself 'wow, no weight talk!'.  A moment later, there was a knock and she returned with the paperwork to get my blood work done and she laid another pamphlet on the counter and pushed it toward me.  She said "you might be interested in this... it really works".  What she was pushing toward me was a really tacky looking xeroxed brochure for Dr. Gann's Diet of HOPE (is that not the most ridiculous, emotionally loaded bullshit name of a business?).  I must have had a look on my face because she next said "or, I'm on Weight Watchers and I like that as well".    I find it really irresponsible for her to have pushed this at me without first asking if I was worried about my weight, if I was actively dieting now, if I had a history of weight cycling, asking what my weight history was or a million other questions she might have used to start an open dialogue. 

If you're an 'over' weight woman in this country it is quite simply assumed that you are unhappy and must be trying or wanting to try and do something about it.  As the day went on, I was more and more angry about it.  She's doing some research and a referral for me and I'm not going to complain about it until I get that.  And THAT makes me angry too... that I can't speak my mind for fear my medical care may be affected.

Let's keep fighting the good fight friends.  And don't forget to love yourself and the body you walk around in.

Let's all stop hating our bodies shall we?

I've been struggling for a while with something and haven't quite been able to nail it down.  My friend Jes' poster project helped me put my finger on it.  Everywhere you turn there's news about the obesity epidemic.  Everyone wants to stamp out obesity.  The First Lady has launched a war on childhood obesity... the magazines in the checkout lane preach it, your employers insurance company is working on it... it's everywhere.

I regularly find myself, a fat woman, at work and my co-workers around me are having discussions about obesity and what we can do, as a girl serving organization, about it.  And I sit there, fat... and silent... trying to figure out how I feel about it.

It may sound like semantics, but here's my issue.  If we were sitting around discussing how to teach girls to love moving their bodies in a way that feels good to them, or teaching them to listen to their bodies signals about satiation and feeding their body in a nutritionally sound way... I could engage and get behind that.  But, my team mates, who I know love and respect me, are talking about eliminating obesity.  I am obese.  Despite my best intellectual efforts, that translates for me into 'You are unacceptable.  We must figure out a way to keep little girls from growing up to be like you.'  There it is.

Now, the paradox for me is that if I could wave a magic wand and not be fat, I would absolutely do it.  I would wave that same magic wand over children everywhere and make them all not fat as well.  Yes, in our society... I too would like to keep little girls from growing up to be like me.  I'm often ashamed, I'm insecure far more often that any woman should be.  I have times that I look in the mirror and nasty thoughts immediately flood my mind.   But, try as I might, ever since I regained the 117 pounds I had previously 'lost', my magic wand is busted.  I'm fresh out of magic.

I'm here to tell you we're fighting the wrong war folks.  If we teach our little girls (and ourselves) to love their bodies unconditionally, if we teach our children that all bodies are to be celebrated, and cared for... we won't have eating disorders, we won't have the self-loathing that permeates our society.  If we preach health at every size and take on the food industry we might be able to take back our media and our country.  

The war our country is fighting is obesity, and the enemy is fat people everywhere.  The war we should be fighting is about hatred.   The enemy we should be fighting against is big agriculture and it's the media.   Big agriculture brings us food that isn't good for our bodies that is far cheaper than healthy food that is.   It engineers food in ways that make it all but irresistible.  The media teaches us to be insecure in our bodies, to fear being fat and to hate those who have the audacity to take up more space in the world than they should.    And it teaches us that fat people are to blame for our skyrocketing insurance costs.   Conventional wisdom is that the obesity crisis is to blame for rising numbers of people affected by disease.   The scientists at health at every size have some pretty solid research about the effects of weight cycling on our bodies... effects like hypertension, diabetes...  If you're interested, you should read the book.  I'll leave that part of the war to the scientists who are smarter than I am.

So, you'll find me here in my little corner of the world, working in a largely female organization, in fact the worlds largest girl serving organization... fighting the good fight day after day.  Recently a wonderful woman I know told me that my journey toward body acceptance inspired her to tuck her shirt in (something she hadn't done in years) and have a hard conversation with a girl (struggling with self image) about how and why the girls body is as beautiful as any other.  That my friends feels like a little victory in a very big war.    Let's all stop hating our bodies shall we?