Enough-ness

This thing enough-ness is a scourge on our society.  I don't know a woman who doesn't battle it at some point or another.  I'm no exception, and it's something I actively work on.  The feeling that we're not enough may be around our spouses, our jobs, our kids.  It also comes at us almost 24/7 from the media.  It's no wonder we make ourselves nutty about it.

Magazines covers stare at us from the checkout at the Grocery.  The same magazine cover may preach both self acceptance and the latest diet.  We go online at the end of the day to decompress. We sign on to Pinterest or Facebook and browse through hundreds of pins and updates.  We're inundated with thinspiration posts to 'help us stay motivated' but instead they likely eat away at our self esteem.  There are 100's of recipe's with beautiful images of food or craft projects we'll never get to that would make Martha Stewart feel intimidated.  At work, we don't want to call in sick even though we are because we're afraid of what others will think.

The thing I'm realizing about enough-ness is that enough-ness is entirely about the person on the other side of that judgement.  Whoever created the standard or is doing the measuring, is the one holding the enough-ness.  If I'm not enough for someone, it's really all about them and their expectations and not at all about me.

Where it really gets tricky is when we buy into it.  And again and again, we do.  We take it in, we take it on and it affects us to the core of our being.  The damage comes when we adopt it as a belief and begin to behave as though it's true... as though we are not enough.    It's difficult and time consuming to undo when you eventually get around to realizing and internalize that it's a big lie.  When we process it through with a therapist instead of our BFF, it can be expensive too.  Just saying.

I know someone whose business card reads 'What you think of me is none of my business'.  I love that.  It's so true.  It's also hard to remember.   What helps you to remember that you ARE enough?

Emotional sideswipe

Do you ever have times when someone says something so unexpectedly upsetting in the course of casual conversation that it feels like you've been sideswiped?  It happened to me this weekend.  In the course of a perfectly lovely day off and I'm still thinking about it a few days later.

I sat there quietly for a moment and the words that wanted to come out of my mouth were all started with 'well you...'  As a sign of progress in my self work,  I didn't reply with a list of character flaws of the other person.  I took a deep breath and said 'When you say something like that, what is it you hope to accomplish?'

When I had determined that there was no hurtful intent in the comment, I turned my thoughts to whether the comments were true and if true, is it something I can live with or something I want to change about myself.  I don't have answers yet, but I'm really proud of myself for not lashing out, not going into shame and not deciding I was a horrible human.  I was able to stand proudly in my magician energy and go inside for the truth.

It's all about progress not perfection people... try to hang on to that thought the next time someone sideswipes you.

What if it's not true?

My daily reading talks today about rejecting any form of fear and anxiety.  FEAR is sometimes said to be false evidence appearing real.  I try to remember that when I feel it creeping up for me.   As you head into the weekend, join me in staying present to any type of fear or anxiety that try to insinuate their way into your being.  My wise friend Hildy taught me to ask "What if it's not true?"   That usually helps me to snap out of it and open myself to the other possibilities.  What do you do to loosen the grip of fear?

T

Shouting at the wind...

There's much today about which we can debate, be angry, be defeated by.  This is especially true if you allow yourself to be subjected to the 24 hour news cycle and all the talking heads.  They're happy to tell you what you should be angry about, afraid of...

I invite you instead to reach inside yourself and find your giving place.  It's a perfect time to give of your time, talent and treasure to others.  If enough people do it, perhaps we can cause a cosmic shift in the universe.  It's not hard, you don't even have to go out of your way.

When you find yourself at Jiffy Lube, or Brake Max pick up a gift card for an additional service and send it to your local women's shelter.  There's almost certainly a woman there who needs it and can't afford it.  Go shopping with your kids and put together a birthday celebration box for a children's shelter.  It's hunger awareness month, perhaps you can contribute to your local food pantry.

If you don't have treasure to share, perhaps you could volunteer at your local PBS station as they raise money to stay on the air.  Make some homemade dog treats with your kids and take them to the Humane Society.  Find a local issue that your family is passionate about and advocate for your position at your city council or other governmental entity.

Find your giving place.  On a day like today, you'll be glad you did.

A Circle of Women

There's something so powerful about sitting in circle with women.  I'm blessed to be able to part of a facilitator team for a women's retreat.  Together we have had the opportunity to provide an introduction to circles to many women who hadn't ever experienced this feeling of community before.

So, what's the magic in those moments?  Is it all participants being equal?  Is it each having the time they need to speak what needs to be spoken?  Perhaps it's the special gift one gets from witnessing the stories of other women.  Each woman's words, each woman's story stands on it's own... not to be contradicted, or supplemented or retold by anyone else.  

Tomorrow it begins anew.  We gather again with a new group of women.  We'll all settle in, unplug from the workaday world, from kids, from all our devices.  I'm headed for a beautiful weekend and I hope that you are too.

What will you do for yourself this weekend?  Set your intention and post it here so we can support you.

See you next week.

T

No good reason...

I was shopping at Target today when I happened on this fabulous item.  For a moment, right there in the aisle, my inner child ("I want it!")and my grown up ("It's $20 bucks"..."What on earth would we do with it"... "Where would we wear it?" waged a little battle of wills.

Sadly the grown up won and I decided to unobtrusively (ha!) snap a quick selfie for posterity and posted it on Facebook with the status "I wish I could think of one good reason to buy this"...   
It took 35 friends to give me a virtual thump on the side of the head to remind me that "Because it makes my heart happy" is a perfectly good reason in and of itself.

I have smart friends.

I'll be heading back to Target.

T.

Mindful Moments

I'm working on mindful moments this week.  Maybe you'll join me.  When you're paying attention (and of course that IS the whole point after all) being mindful takes something ordinary, something often overlooked into something special.  Last night I was cranky as I trudged off to the spare room to sleep, my husband sleeping loudly and soundly, thanks to Ni-Quil in our bed.   As I slipped between the sheets I also slipped into a mindful moment.  My legs slid this way and that.  I stretched all my limbs like a starfish experiencing the luxury of having the bed all to myself.   Mmmmm.   Pay attention in your own life this week and see what you discover.  Post a comment.  I'd love to hear.