Monday, January 1, 2018

It's okay not to feel okay.

My super smart friend Lavi Chimata reminded me of that the other day.   It's important, so I'll say it again... It's okay not to feel okay.

I've been grappling with feeling out of step for the last few months.  I'm trying to unravel it and figure out where it's coming from.  It's my belief that when the blues come calling its best to invite them in to sit next to me on the sofa and make friends before I can move on.  I think I've caught the end of the thread and here's what's coming up for me.  Maybe you feel it too. 

"The Holidays" start in earnest at the beginning of November, though all the trappings are out and in your face in September.  For months now, my social streams have been full practically perfect holiday preparations.  My husband and son would rather skip all things holidays, so if there's any holiday magic to happen around here, it's up to me to make it happen.  Between PTO and an office closure, I have luxurated in almost three weeks off of work.  I'm a huge Hallmark Channel Christmas movie junkie and I've got a DVR full of them and plenty of time to watch them.  More perfection.  Lots of it... romantic perfection, holiday perfection, functional families.  And now, there's a flood of New Year posts with proclamations that people are so excited about the possibilities of the new year.  A blank slate.  365 new days.  I'm so not there.  I am SO not there.  I was feeling like such a failure that I couldn't shake it off, that I'm not seeing what everyone else is seeing as they look ahead to 2018.

And then Lavi reminded me that it's okay not to feel okay.  Whatever the reason.  It's so important, for us to love ourselves, be gentle and caretake for ourselves when we're not feeling okay.  If you're struggling I invite you to really take it in that it's okay not to feel okay.  Get quiet and ask yourself what it is that you need right now.  Then, do all that you can to make that happen.  Showing up for yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do.  That's my first step in the new year... to show up for myself.  Care to join me? 

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