Hi friends- please meet my guest blogger and my new friend, Holli Clausen Zehring... I think you'll love her as much as I already do!

I want to offer our community an invitation...

An invitation to not only find peace with your own body and self, but to find a way of living that provides a good model for our children, especially our young girls.

The path to this moment, to this opportunity to come together and engage in new conversations about health, beauty, and body image has been a long one, rooted in my own experiences and the organizations that have grown from them.

My mom will tell you that my own story is what planted the seed for Ophelia’s Place. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was 17.  The eating disorder had taken over my life and left me zero understanding of who I was. My parents found an intensive program here in Arizona, and where I spent 4 1/2 months working on my nutrition, my view of who I am, my identity, and my family dynamics.

It was an incredible time of healing and it radically changed not only me, but my relationship with my mom. As we worked on the environment I was raised in, I talked about my mom and the relationship she had with her body and with food. I talked about all her food rules, like “If you eat standing up you lose weight,” or “Girl Scout cookies don’t count because it’s for a charity.”  I thought it was funny and completely normal. Turns out it may be normal, but it wasn’t funny.

When I told my mom, she was the topic of my therapy that day she was completely blown away and realized that maybe she also needed to look at how she talked about herself and her diet, and what she modeled for me. It was her “aha” moment. I don’t say any of this to place blame or to shame. It was considered “normal” in my family, like it is for so many other families today.

My mom was my biggest role model. As a child, I loved watching her get ready for work. I was in awe of her. I looked at her and saw strength, intelligence, and beauty. She saw cellulite, extra pounds, and wrinkles. None of those things real or imagined made any difference to me, it didn’t take away from who she was, but maybe obsessing about it did.

When I got home from treatment, my eating disorder got bad again. My behaviors came back quickly and my mom, concerned, asked me what was going on. I told her I need a place to be safe, to be heard, and to practice recovery in a inspiring and encouraging space. From that conversation, my mom, MaryEllen, founded Ophelia’s Place. For the last 15 years, they have been working tirelessly to redefine beauty in individuals, families, and communities impacted by eating disorders, disordered eating and body dissatisfaction.

When I was 19 I moved to Arizona and admired the work of Ophelia’s Place from afar. It was my dream to recreate it here. I got married, had 2 children, and saw my husband through medical school, while battling significant depression. As time passed my dream felt further and further away.

Yet, all those pieces actually brought me closer to it. Through these hardships, I continued to see the need. Women frantically working to change their bodies as if they were broken, so much talk about food and weight loss, and diets, and trendy workouts, all the while they were seeking something deeper. I started working on this about 2 years ago. We gathered women around a table, shared a delicious meal and asked “Do you see a need here for a new conversation about health, beauty, and body image?” There was a resounding YES! Every event since then has been filled with tears and pain, but also hope, choices, and transformations.

Hopefully, my daughter, Anna, won’t walk the same path that I did.

Already she demonstrates a great understanding of her body and ownership of the amazing things it can do. When she hears the kind of negative conversations about weight and body image, she finds them unusual enough to check in with me to explore their validity. She’s living what she learns at home.

Join us. Join us in a new conversation. Join us to define beauty on your terms. Join us to better understand what health means, based on your own body's needs. Join us to come back to who you are, instead of fighting for who you are told to be. Discover your gifts, discover your passions, your purpose. Because the world needs you, in your whole beautiful self.

Holli Clausen Zehring

You can find out more about the Circles of Change Conference in Phoenix March 17-18th, 2017 and get registered here!  I hope to see you there!

Oh, I could never spend that much money on myself. Or could I?

Part of the experience of preparing for a women's retreat as a facilitator is to begin early on to prepare space metaphorically for the women who will come.  It's making them welcome and preparing the circle for them before they even know they're coming.  It's part of what goes into the end result where women say "I can't believe how comfortable I felt right away" or "I can't believe I just met these women".

So, right now- 3 months before our Soul Restoration retreat in Tubac, I'm doing that work.  I'm putting a call out there to you, calling you to the circle.  I don't know who you are, but I am calling.  The women who are supposed to hear the call and are ready to respond will do it.  Ask yourself if you hear something whispering at you.  Whispering that your joy has been a little dimmed lately. Whispering that there has to be more to life.  Whispering that you've lost sight of who you used to be.
There are always obstacles.  "I can't leave my work, family, kids, furry kids."  "I could never spend that much money on myself."  "I would feel so guilty."  These things never go away.   There's probably never a convenient time to check out of your life and spend a long weekend lovingly attending to yourself.  Convenient?  Maybe not.  Urgent?  Probably!  You make time for everyone else.  Anyone who has ever been to a retreat will tell you that you will be 1,000 x better prepared to make time for and care for everyone else after you return from a retreat.  It's not a secret.  Ask your girlfriends to see who has been to one.  Ask them if they're sorry they went.  Ask them if it was worth every penny.

Our Soul Restoration retreat is all inclusive.  From the moment you park your car at Kenyon Ranch, you will be taken care of.  Do you even remember what that feels like?  Being taken care of?  There's a warm hug awaiting you if you are open to one.  You'll be shown to your cozy casita where there are fresh flowers on the bedside table and goodies waiting for you.  There's time for a walk before dinner.  Perhaps you'd like to sit on the porch and do some journaling instead or rest your eyes while you lay in the hammock.  Dinner is family style in the ranch house.  Food is lovingly prepared and will nourish your soul as much as it does your body.  In the evening we'll meet in the lodge to begin to know each other and start our course.  Chilly? Let us get you a cozy blanket.  Have a headache or a tummy ache?  We're prepared for that and can get you something to help.  We'll finish our evening in the art room working on a little piece of wearable heart art.  The next days are filled with soul work, sharing, singing, making art that fills us up.  You'll be gently guided in all that we do.  And don't worry that we'll be keeping you busy non-stop... we've built in down time as well.  You might choose to have a swim or a soak in the hot tub.  Perhaps you might like to take a walk on the labyrinth in the moonlight.  It's a magical experience.  Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, whether you make friends easily or not, you'll love the women assembled.  I've done this dozens of times and I've never seen it work out any differently.  That's a pretty good basic description of the experience but doesn't even begin to describe the amazing Soul Restoration Course itself nor the incredible location.

There's no physical thing I could buy with my money that does all that for me.  No bag, or manicure brings me the same feelings.  Retreats can be expensive.  Although it may be more than you're used to spending on yourself at one time, this one, at $1,100 is in fact, a bargain.  Even more so if you take advantage of early registration discounts.  Your shared accommodations for all three nights are included. Eight meals, all snacks and beverages are included.  The art materials, supplies and instruction are all included.  Your beautiful materials for Soul Restoration are all included.  Unlike some conferences and other personal growth experiences, you won't be hit up to purchase anything, no DVD's, no personal coaching sessions etc.

What's whispering at you friend?  Why not answer the call and let's see.

Join the circle.  Have some fun.  Feel the love.    #circlefunlove

Emergency Action Guides and Rough Day Books

I had the pleasure of spending a little time today at Discount Tire.  While the good folks got me all fixed up with a new tire, I happened to notice this large flip guide on the wall.  It reminded me so much of the Brave Girls Club tool we create called a Rough Day Book.

No matter how much 'work' we do on ourselves, how purposeful our lives... the rough days ARE going to come.  And when they come, it's best to have a personal action plan to guide us in how to best survive them.

The pages contained in my Rough Day book aren't really laid out like Discount Tires action guide, but I really love it and I think I will start adding some pages with tabs for things like:

• When dealing with a narcissist
• When a beloved hurts you 
• When you disappoint yourself 
• When the wheels completely come off the train
• When you need a time out

If you could use a Rough Day Book as your emergency action guide, there's a class coming up this Thursday, February 16th from 6-9pm.  All materials are provided and you'll add your own wisdom to be your guide for when those days happen.  You can register here and use discount code Newyear to get 75% off! 

Fragile... handle with care

Wouldn't it be awesome if we had stickers like this to help others understand when we're feeling tender?

When we are living an authentic life, how we present ourselves in the world is almost like we do have "fragile" stickers on our foreheads.  When we are authentic we can let needs be known and that gives our beloveds a chance to support us.  Just as we are blessed when we give support to others, they are blessed when we allow others to support us in our times of need.  It's a gift really, a gift for both people.

Such was the case for me this week.  The state of our country and the events in my own world had piled up on me like a 5 car wreck all in one day.  I let myself be vulnerable and shared on my Facebook wall that I was feeling very thin in my resilience.  Soon my cup overflowed with an outpouring of virtual love when I shared that I was struggling.

And today... today came a heartfelt message from an incredible woman in my circle that made my heart soar.  In truth, I've known her since she was a little girl. I'm blessed that we've reconnected as peers now.  We all have those people who have really impacted our lives and our growth and she was kind enough today to reach out and tell me that I have been that for her.  It brings up such powerful emotions as I read her words that their impact will be felt by me for a long, long time.

I'm wondering if we can't increase the ripple of this kindness she started today.  Won't you take a moment to identify someone in your life who has made a big impact and reach right now to tell them so?  I hope you will.  The world needs more kindness, don't you agree?

Join the circle.  Have some fun.  Feel the love.
#circlefunlove

It's hard to be a human

It's hard to be a human.  I have things in my life that I believe and know to be profound truths for me.  I've tested and proven them to myself time and time again.  And yet, even though these truths are known to me, believed by me to be good for me...  It happens far too often that I some how look up from where I am in life and realize that I've moved away from those good and true things.  Those good and true ways of being that serve me well when I'm in the flow of life and honoring them some how disappear over and over.  I'm left to stumble around until I find my way back to them.

How does that happen?  I am a strong and capable woman.  I am generally speaking, living my life consciously.    And if I'm brutally honest,  I struggle to string together consecutive months at a time when I am purposeful, balanced and focused on living my best life.

I actually do the best when I think of myself as someone else that I am in charge of taking care of, tending to.  If I were actually a small child in my care, I would certainly look for meals, set the table, not eat in the car, get enough sleep, go outside to play, have naps, eat a vegetable now and then.  So, why don't I do those things now?

The answer that springs to mind is because I'm exhausted.  I'm so busy working, building a new business, taking care of home, husband, family members who need support that I have no time to tend to myself.  But surely, one of those profound truths is that if we don't take care of ourselves, we cannot possibly be our best selves with other, for others.

I want to do better.

It's hard to be a human.  Be gentle with yourselves friends.

I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but a couple of years ago I had this thing happen where I felt like I was going through life on auto pilot.  I felt like I was living life a little bit flat lined.  I’ve seen Dr. Brene’ Brown talk about how often times we use food or alcohol or drugs to numb our shame and our pain… and how you can’t numb those things without also numbing joy.  

That was me.  I’d settled into a good job, a good marriage, empty nest… but after a certain number of years of those things, life was pretty routine.  I lacked joy.    I longed for something more.  I longed for a deeper connection with myself and with others.  Seeking some spark of inspiration in my life, I stumbled on Brave Girls Club. 

For me, from the outside looking in, Brave Girls Club (and Camp in particular) was all about belonging.  And oh how I wanted to belong.  A little research revealed so many women giving testimony about how Brave Girls Camp is life changing.  I became a little obsessed with it.  My expectations were pretty high because I’d poured over every blog that mentioned Camp, every picture and video.  So, off to camp I went, not sure how 'life changing' it would be for me because I’d already done all my big healing.  Intent on fitting in, I packed my cutest clothes and shoved my anxiety aside. 

All those anxieties that I've struggled with for years, those persistent thoughts about being a fraud, of waiting for the other shoe to drop came flooding back while I was at Camp.  When I look back through my Soul Restoration journal, it’s clear that I still had much ‘big’ work to do.   Because I lived so much of my life faking normal, my ability to feel like I belong and to make genuine connections was wobbly at best.  And there were many destructive old messages still to unpack:

“You never stick with anything.”

“You’re not like them.”

“What makes you think you can do that?”

And unpack them I did.  I didn't know when I signed up for Brave Girls Camp that I was really signing up for Soul Restoration.  It's an amazing course taught at Camp that is yes, life changing.  You don't do it alone, you have a whole Restoration Team at the ready and a circle of women to support your journey.

In Soul Restoration, I met my truth teller who dug up some great things for me to remember.  Every great adventure I have had in my life- from working in the movie business, to traveling the world, to falling in love… all happened because I chose to choose.  Somehow despite all the odds, when push came to shove, I have always summoned the courage to go after what I wanted in life and not to let life just happen to me.  That's why being on 'auto pilot' felt so awful to me.  I learned to interact with my 8 and 80 year old selves.  My wise old self gently showed me that the person responsible for making me feel like a fraud, like I don’t belong is in fact… me.  She urged me to get out of my own way and to LET MYSELF BELONG. 

In the years since I attended Soul Restoration, I’ve continued to work on these themes.  Work might not be the right word… I have focused on allowing myself to be in the flow of belonging.  I try to heed the words of my 80 year old self and go into every situation assuming I will find my tribe, to look around and wonder which of these women will be my first friend here.  Soul Restoration has reminded me to choose to choose, to do it anyway, despite any doubts that pop up as doubts tend to do.

So yes, Brave Girls Club is about belonging, but what I’ve learned, is that you have to let yourself belong.  Melody and Kathy have lovingly created and held the space, waiting for each woman until the time was right for her to step into her own… for each to realize they are worthy of love an belonging right now.   Brave Girls Club is not about standing next to them in the glow- hoping that their shininess will rub off on you.  It’s about standing in your own glow.

Isn’t it about time for you to do that?  To stand in your own glow?  It’s time for you to choose to choose.  To let yourself belong.  Melody and Kathy have created so many opportunities for Soul Restoration to be available to you.  You can do the course online.  You can do it in weekly formats.  You can really be sweet to yourself with the gift of a retreat experience.  There are 50 certified facilitators allover North America facilitating the Soul Restoration course for women just like you throughout the year. 

I’ve got a spot saved for you around the Red Carpet at my retreat in September in Arizona.  Why not check it out?  Come stand in your glow.  That’s my wish for you.

My Soul House

Photo credit:  ckdhtc on High Aperture

When I was in my college years, I kept dream journals, and spent time learning about dreaming, and how to figure out what our dreams mean.  What I believe is that our dreams are highly personal and one has to figure out the symbolism for themselves.  One can't just open a book, look up water and determine that universally, water means thus and such.

For years during this time of my life I had re-occurring dreams that featured a house that looked much like the abandoned building above.   There was no question in my mind the meaning of the dream.  I knew the house was my life.  In the dreams, I wanted desperately to fix it up, restore it to its original beauty.  I would wander through the rooms running my fingers over wood and chipped paint.  I stepped over broken boards that were blocking access to certain parts.  My heart ached for this house, this life.

It is no surprise to me that I had these dreams regularly during this time of my life.  I'd been hiding childhood sexual abuse for some 20 years and had not ever disclosed it to anyone before.  My life was in shambles but I was the only one who knew it.  I had no idea how to go about restoring my life, my self... my soul back to it's original beauty.

Some years later, I did disclose, got good therapy and healed.  I don't believe I've ever seen the house in my dreams again and I kind of forgot about it.  A couple of years ago I was blessed to have the chance to go to Brave Girl Camp where Melody Ross and her sister Kathy Wilkins gently led us through the Soul Restoration curriculum Melody created.

The first concept we were introduced to was our Soul House.  Melody invites us to imagine that when we are born, our soul was put into a beautiful house with each room representing a part of ourselves.  Over time, things happen in our lives that make us forget who we are.  We are told lies, we are abused, we make mistakes, sometimes we even tell ourselves lies to help us make sense of our lives.  The cumulative effect of all this is that our Soul House falls into disrepair.  When we live this way for many years, we can feel like there is no hope for us, that we are beyond repair and this is just how our lives will be.  

I sat there at Brave Girl Camp stunned when Melody introduced this analogy.  It made complete sense to me given my history, my life and the beautiful but rundown, abandoned house in my dreams all those years ago.    

I've just spent a week in Idaho with the Brave Girls team becoming a certified facilitator of Soul Restoration.  In this work we 'close' our Soul Houses for restoration, clarify what are truths and what are lies and how each makes us feel.  We identify the lies we have come to believe in our own lives and release them in a powerful ceremony.  We make contact with our own Truth teller and get in touch with our authentic selves and gifts and strengths we may have long forgotten about.  All of this and more is guided by me as facilitator using the curriculum and artfully designed projects Melody created.  

If you've been feeling like you've lost yourself, forgotten who you are as you move through this busy world, it might be time for you to close for Soul Restoration.  Our next Soul Restoration retreat is scheduled for September 16,17, 18th at the beautiful and historic Kenyon Ranch is Tubac, Arizona.  We have a spot for you, Sister.